Eight 2014 predictions you can bet the house on
If 2013 is anything to go by, the speed at which 2014 hits us is directly proportional to the amount of time left, multiplied by the level of work to get through, divided by the length of your holiday. In short, it’s probably already 2014 and none of us have caught up to the idea yet. So what can we expect from this even-numbered year?
1. You will be inundated with completely contradictory research every two to three weeks
In November I discovered that violent video games make my kids smarter and that by playing video games with them I was encouraging them to be far more stable than their non-gaming counterparts. Then, in a shocking twist that had me weep for my misguided ways I uncovered how I had damaged their spines, increased their levels of aggression and transformed them into dishonest little monsters.
2. You will own an unidentified gadget that never works
It is a guarantee that someone will receive a gadget for Christmas that nobody really understands and attempt to look very excited about the fact that it can open the oven door or shell pretzels remotely. Usually this just goes Ping and dies.
3. You will need to buy an Android tablet
This won’t be for you. It will be for your child’s school and part of their stationery list. This is the year that the tablet stops being a gadget and becomes a genuine teaching tool that can change the way our children learn and interact with knowledge.
4. Your child will be more advanced at tech than you
Next year the kids that code will be up and running in the UK as programming becomes mandatory. Children will start playing around with code at the age of five and will hit Key Stage 2 ready to create their own programs. In the US, pressure is piling on from initiatives like Code.org to give all pupils the chance to study computer programming.
Disclaimer: This does not apply if parents are programmers
5. They’ll be e-reading
Your precious Kindle will be stolen by your precious offspring as they realise how easy it is to gain access to a world of books. Now we just need a way of blocking purchases directly off the Kindle store without our permission…
6. You will be subsumed by guilt
The news will continue to inundate you with reasons why you are a revolting parent who clearly should never have considered procreating and needs to see at least two specialists before you completely destroy your child’s future. Of course, we will continue to ignore at least 90% of this in favour of gut feelings and the fact that our children have yet to start gnawing on our legs from hunger/zombie infestations/violent videogames.
7. Your children still won’t care
They will love field trips, playing games, watching TV, eating chocolate, hating on siblings and living their lives. They will still not go to bed deep in thought about how Isaac Asimov’s predictions for the future were creepily accurate and how this is the End of Days.
8. It is still not the End of Days
Sorry. Try again in 2015.
Tell us what your predictions are for 2014. Robot armies, monkey surgeons, a tablet for every baby at birth? Whatever it is, we'd love to hear it below.