57%

are
Cybervictims

35%

are
Cyberbullies

27%

are
Both

contrary to popular belief,
boys are more likely to be involved in Cyberbullying
both as bullies and victims

Cyberbullying is...

easy

Because hiding behind the screen means the bully does't need to look their victim in the eyes

Cyberbullying is...

scary

Because the victim doesn't know the identity of the perpetrator

Cyberbullying is...

embarrasing

Because it allows participation by an infinite audience

Cyberbullying is...

inescapable

Because unlike with traditional bullying, the cyberbully can easily penetrate homes via the internet, mobile phones and pager systems

and yet,

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

  • 90%

    of teens who have seen
    social media bullying
    choose to ignore it

No one is 100% Bully-proof, but there are some actions
we can take to better protect ourselves:

  • Cyberbullying:
    Types & Tips

  • Quib.ly's Advice
    For Parents

  • Contacts
    For Help

  • Tempted
    To Bully?

Bullying type:

Stealing identity

Description: Someone hacks into your account or pretends to be you when they set up a new account.

Tip:

Pick an unusual password and use letters and numbers. Don't use any part of your name or email address or birth date because that's easy for people to guess. Try to not let people see you signing in, if someone does see you, make sure you change the password as soon as you can.

Bullying type:

Spreading gossip

Description: Someone exposes your secrets on social networks.

Tip:

Very often vicious gossip and rumours are spread by someone who was once your bestie, so it's best to keep top secrets to yourself and only tell people things that wouldn't embarrass you if other people found out about them. Someone posting false and malicious things about you? This could be harassment and you might want to involve the police.

Bullying type:

Making threats

Description: Someone makes threats to you online, over the phone or via chat apps.

Tip:

It's against the law in the UK to use the internet or phone system to cause distress. If threats are made against you then you must tell your parents so that they can alert your school and make a complaint to the Police. Print out the threats! If you can't, use the 'print screen' button to take a snapshot of your screen.

Bullying type:

Grooming

Description: Someone you met online is pressuring you into doing things you don't want to, such as taking your clothes off or sharing pictures that make you uncomfortable. They may also try to convince you to meet them in real life.

Tip:

Grooming is an offence in the UK. It's very important to always remember that everyone you meet online is a stranger, and if someone asks you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable then don't do it. If someone is online blackmailing you in any way, it is very important that you tell your parents about it so that they can inform an organisation like CEOP which looks after the safety of young people on cyberspace. Even if all you know about the person is their email address, the police can still find them.

Bullying type:

Abusive commenting

Description: Someone posts rude or malicious comments under content you've shared online.

Tip:

This is also called 'flaming' and however tempting it is to have a go back at the bully, it is advised not to, as it just makes the problem worse. The best way to deal with abusive comments is to contact the website and ask tohave them removed:

Removing abusive comments on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/help/212722115425932

Removing abusive comments on Twitter:
http://support.twitter.com/articles/15794-online-abuse

Removing abusive comments on Snapchat:
http://support.snapchat.com/ca/abuse

Removing abusive comments on Instagram:
http://help.instagram.com/165828726894770


We've asked some of our Quib.ly experts for their opinion regarding how parents should approach the subject of Cyberbullying. When is it time to discuss it with your kids? Should you control the environment in which internet is used in the house? To what extent should you trust your kids, to what extent should you monitor what they do online?



First, E-Safety expert James Diamond answers:



How can you talk to your children about the topic of cyber-bullying?


"Although cyberbullying can be more harmful and difficult to spot than ‘traditional’ bullying, it still has its roots in the type of bullying that has occurred in playgrounds for decades. Almost every adult witnessed or experienced bullying when they were younger, and so the first step is to share those experiences with your children. You might be surprised how similar it is to their experiences.


The old adage that ‘sticks and stone may break my bones but names will never hurt me’ is a fallacy, so make sure that your children understand that just because they may not see the consequences of their actions online, cyberbullying can cause real harm to its victims, and even the bullies themselves if their actions catch the eye of the school or even the police."



How can you create an environment where the child will turn to the parent when in trouble?


Make sure you talk to your child regularly about their online experience, and that means engaging with the things they are enthusiastic about as well as warning them about potential dangers. They need to know that if they do get into trouble online, your first reaction is going to be “you did the right thing in telling me, now let’s fix it”."

Make sure you talk to your child regularly about their online experience, and that means engaging with the things they are enthusiastic about as well as warning them about potential dangers. They need to know that if they do get into trouble online, your first reaction is going to be “you did the right thing in telling me, now let’s fix it”."



How significant is the importance of where the computer is located in the house-hold?


"In a world where Internet-connected devices now outnumber people and are being designed to fit onto parts of our body, the location of the ‘family computer’ is becoming more and more meaningless. However, you should still encourage younger children to use tablets or laptops when there’s a responsible adult in the room to keep an eye on them, or be there to answer any questions.

As children get older and start to carry around their own smart phones and tablets the question isn’t necessarily about making them use them in a certain room, but making sure that wherever they are in the home you strike a fair balance between privacy and supervision. It all depends on how responsible the child is."



Finally, any hints and tips to give to parents to approach their children about the topic?


"My biggest tip would be to try and avoid approaching your children to discuss ‘e-safety’. Children see the Internet in a different way to many adults, and there is not distinction for most of them between their ‘online’ and their ‘offline’ lives. For example, rather asking them what they do ‘on the Internet’, try and engage in the different games they might play online, including who they’re playing with."












For more safety advice visit James Diamond on
http://jamesdiamondtraining.com/


ThirdParent's Rob Zidar answers:



What time would be a good time to talk about Cyberbullying with your kids?


"Parents should talk to their children about cyberbullying as soon as the child starts using an internet connect device, and on a regular basis thereafter. Their first device will probably be an iPod or a parent’s tablet or computer, but parents need to remember that there are other connected devices in the home such as gaming consoles and cell phones."



How can you talk to your children about the topic of cyber-bullying?


"The first step in talking to children about cyberbullying is to come to an agreement about what cyberbullying is and what it isn’t. Normal peer conflict is mostly not cyberbullying, but may be characterized as such. Second, acknowledge that cyberbullying will happen either to or around them (55% of students surveyed recently accept some level of cyberbullying as normal (1)), and focus on the appropriate response.

If child is a victim of cyberbullying, she should keep evidence via printout or screen grab, block the offender on social media, report the incident to a parent or teacher, and resist the urge to respond and risk escalating the situation. If the situation persists, she (and you) might consider changing her phone number or going to the police.

you) might consider changing her phone number or going to the police. If your child witnesses others being cyberbullied, she should definitely report it to a parent or teacher, and by all means she should not join in or make fun of the victim."











http://www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/press-centre/new-survey-finds-parents-and-teachers-struggle-to-keep-kids-safe-online.aspx

How can you create an environment where the child will turn to the parent when in trouble?


"In my mind there are three reasons why a child might not report cyberbullying to a parent:


  • They are embarrassed
  • They “need” to be online because all their friends are, and are resigned to the fact that some cyberbullying as the cost of admission
  • They are afraid you will take away their phone or social media accounts

As a parent, the first is almost impossible to overcome, but numbers 2 and 3 being a factor can be mitigated by assuring your children that you are just there to help, and that being cyberbullied will not result in them getting electronically cut off from their real friends."


How significant is the importance of where the computer is located in the house-hold?


"At a young age, having children use a shared computer in a central location in the home is a great idea. As kids grow older, and at least as soon as they have a phone, the internet goes with them and you’ll be less able to monitor what they’re doing online. This is where your frequent talks with them come in. Hopefully, you’ve ingrained in them the idea that they should not fight back against cyberbullies but instead report the problem to you.

If you do identify an ongoing problem, by all means keep your children’s cell phones and computers out of their bedrooms until it is resolved."


To what extent should parents automatically trust their kids? And how far does this go to the line of spying on their online activities?


"Raising children is a big responsibility, and unfortunately some level of spying may be called for. In a perfect world, children will be perfectly coached about privacy settings, avoiding strangers and acting appropriately online, and parents can largely trust that what they are doing is safe and responsible. If, however, parents get a sense that something may be amiss, they should check for themselves. We’d caution parents, though, about relying on software or filters to control or oversee 100% of your children’s internet activity. If your children know they’re being watched, they’ll get better at hiding what they’re doing."


Finally, any hints and tips to give to parents to approach their children about the topic?


"The most important concept is to start early and revisit often talking about cyberbullying – what it is, how to identify it and how to report it. If you are worried that your child is currently being cyberbullied, or even doing some bullying himself, you may not want to tackle it head on, especially if you don’t have a lot of history discussing his internet activity. You can start a conversation about how he uses messaging apps or social media, whom he is communicating with and whom he avoids or has chosen not to connect with. The more information your have about what they’re doing online, the better you’ll be prepared to deal with bumps in the road.

**One caveat to what I say above: If the cyberbullying happens one-on-one, and the bully is known personally to the victim, it may be appropriate to respond directly to the bully. This is a fairly narrow slice of the cyberbullying spectrum given group messaging and social media, so parents should tread lightly."


Rob Zidar is the founder of ThirdParent <http://www.thirdparent.com>

Leonie Smith answers:



How can you create an environment where the child will turn to the parent when in trouble?


"You need to treat the online world as you do the offline. How did you make it ok for your child to come to you about offline world issues? If you have a parenting style that makes it ok for your children to come to you when they have done something they regret, or when they see behaviour that worries them, then you won’t have any problems getting your children to come to your for online. If parents threaten unreasonable punishments that are going to prevent the child from ever seeing a friend again, or communicating online again, it will prevent your child from coming to you. That’s not to say there shouldn’t be any consequences if they have crossed boundaries or broken your rules around online behaviour. The consequences should fit the transgression but not be so onerous that they lead to excessive fear of the reprisals. Always compliment your child for coming to you, and take that into account when deciding on what to do. Also show a positive interest in your childs technology. The more open you are to exploring their online world with them the more likely they are to ask you questions about it, and share with you. Find times to “play” with your child using their technology or games. Get educated about the latest technology and apps, so that you can help them. Ask your child questions about how things work, let them be your teacher."


How significant is the importance of where the computer is located in the house-hold?


"Where the computers are in the house depends very much on each child’s age, and how much supervision they need. Children on the whole need more supervision when under 13years of age, on all internet connected devices. If parents have done their job well, children will need less and less supervision and will start to moderate their own computer behaviour as they get older. We can’t be supervising 18 year olds if they are still at home for instance. So how do we get our children through the teen age years so that they know their limits and behave safely online when young adults?

Some teens will still require quite a bit of supervision if they are inherently risk takers or have other personal issues that might make them vulnerable online.

Keeping all internet connected devices in areas in the house where you are likely to be, just to be able to quietly observe your child online is very important whilst they are young. It’s not about spying it’s about being near by especially for older kids, so that you can help if you see your child upset in front of the keyboard. Keeping mobile devices in a family room environment can be quite difficult, so setting boundaries around this works better if parents start early, and use rewards and consequences to encourage this, much as you would any other type of parenting.



If your older teen needs to use a computer for school, there are ways to ensure that the school computer is a less attractive device to play games on, then say a larger PC that is kept in the family room. If your child is being secretive online and sneaking computers or mobile devices into their rooms, then you need to find out if the reason is simply just for privacy or if there is something else going on that you need to be concerned about. Make sure you have an agreement for use about having access to your child’s devices to check that all is ok from time to time. You need to check for privacy settings, and anti virus settings also, this can sometimes be a good way to initiate a time for you and your child to sit together to look throughout the device. It is always best to sit with the child to look at their device, that way they have a chance to see how things work, and they can explain what you are seeing, and it will seem less like spying."


To what extent should parents automatically trust their kids? And how far does this go to the line of spying on their online activities?


"As with all areas around parenting, you trust your child when they show that they can be trusted. As a parent we know that every child is different. Some kids are more compliant than others. Use your judgement around trust as you do with all other aspects of your child’s life. We don’t talk about spying on kids when they are out of our homes, we call it making sure they are safe, by knowing where they are. We need to stop talking about supervising our children’s online world as spying. The fear around being seen as a spy when we need to make sure our children are safe online is irrational. If you start open conversations early, and treat your child with the same respect in regard to their online world as you do the offline world you won’t be seen as a spy. As a parent we have a right to know where our child is offline and online. If your child feels they have more right to secrecy online than they do offline, then there is something wrong with how they and you perceive the internet. Parents need to be able to parent online and off."


Finally, any hints and tips to give to parents to approach their children about the topic?


"Parents need to get educated about how kids use technology and the internet. The way kids use the internet, apps and technology is nothing like the way adults use it. Too many parents think they know enough to keep their kids safe, when all they know is how THEY as adults use technology and apps. Parent’s cannot adequately help and supervise their children online from a place of ignorance and complacency.

Yes learning new stuff is hard! Yes it takes time! And yes sometimes we just don’t like it. Think about all the other things we had to learn about to be parents, that we never thought we would have to learn. Putting off learning about apps, and technology means you cannot be an effective parent in todays world. Your child’s school will teach them some about cyber safety, but cyber safety must also be followed up at home. Your child is most vulnerable online at home NOT at school. They need your help and your supervision.

Your children are your greatest teachers, and they love teaching you! If….you have a positive attitude about the internet. Ask lots of questions, at the right time…and in the right way. Share what you find, video’s, games, apps, join in with your kids on technology. Your children are your greatest teachers, and they love teaching you! If….you have a positive attitude about the internet. Ask lots of questions, at the right time…and in the right way. Share what you find, video’s, games, apps, join in with your kids on technology.

Find out about filters for your internet. Set up safety settings and privacy settings for yourself and your children. Just like we make sure every other part of their lives is as safe as we can make it, we need to learn where the safe suburbs and streets are, and seat belts are online.

Just because an app is sold or available for download on iTunes or Google Play doesn’t mean it’s safe for kids. Do your research and monitor your child’s apps!

Whenever you have to make a decision about your child and technology, ask yourself what you would do if it were an offline situation. Parenting decisions should be the same regardless of whether it involves technology or not."


Find out more about Leonie Smith at
http://thecybersafetylady.com.au/

Chris Puttick answers:



How can you talk to your children about the topic of cyber-bullying?


"Firstly, its important not to think of cyber-bullying as fundamentally different to any other kind of bullying; although the cyber element changes where/when the bullying can occur, it's still fundamentally the same. It remains worth repeating the mantra of "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" on the basis that it's true (if you believe it). This can get a child (and adult!) through any verbal encounter unscathed, which in its own right will reduce instances of bullying and possibly prevent it getting past its precursor of "picking on me".

If you think you need to talk to your child about bullying (whether because you think they are being bullied or even being a bully) then you should try and do so in a non-leading, non-judgemental manner, as this can help prevent an escalation. But there's no easy way to just start, if you don't already have that chatty, trusting sort of relationship with your child - so start talking sooner rather than later.

It's worth noting the recent FOSI (Family Online Safety Institute) research found cyber-bullying on the decrease, for the simple reason that children have learnt that tracing even "anonymous" online identities is fairly easy, far harder than tracing the same messages passed on printed notes."



How can you create an environment where the child will turn to the parent when in trouble?


"Building and preserving trust and engaging in regular communication is the best way to ensure you are an early port of call for a child seeking help and advice. One great way to encourage the latter is regular and frequent sit-down meals together (not including a TV!). This doesn't have to be every day, but often enough a week for the talking habit to develop. Building and preserving trust is more difficult. All you can really do is never abuse their trust, and forgive them abusing yours. Remember there's a reason they are legally defined as children."


How significant is the importance of where the computer is located in the house-hold?


"In terms of a way of preventing your child from being cyber-bullied, computer (browsing device) location is not really a factor as the bully has no idea where a target is when browsing. Ensuring a child can only access the Internet from a shared space in your house may well prevent them from joining in though! Also see comments on trust below."


To what extent should parents automatically trust their kids?


"Entirely.

But.

They are kids. Most countries set the age of criminal responsibility around the tweens, and only a few consider under-18s sorted enough to vote, buy alcohol, buy cigarettes, purchase access to adult content, etc.. There's a reason for these age bars, namely that growing up is a real thing, based on physiological development. A child's brain is still growing until they are around 6-8 years old, and still going through significant changes for 10+ years after that, albeit at a decreasing rate. And then there's that raging torrent of teenage hormones, which do weird things to rational judgement.

So trust, yes. But remain aware, engaged without being intrusive, and look at ways you can develop your child's awareness and perception of your relationship as a mutually trustworthy one."


And how far does this go to the line of spying on their online activities?


"About this far:


(that's an infinitesimally short line, in case it doesn't come out in pixels)

Or to put it another way, don't, unless trust is not something that is currently salvageable in your relationship. This does unfortunately happen for all manner of reasons, but spying will destroy any trust remaining when (not if) the child learns you are spying on them.

However this doesn't preclude monitoring and, for younger kids, having in place a filtering/guidance solution designed to meet the needs of their stage of development. But monitoring has to be openly done, not covertly. A process that uses an evolving approach, that tracks their developmental stage starting from a young age, can build rather than destroy trust. So start with age-appropriate content guidance and filtering from "my first browse" until tweens, then move to monitoring in discussion with your child."


Finally, any hints and tips to give to parents to approach their children about the topic?


"Sadly, I have very little to offer here. If you've got the kind of relationship where they will talk with you honestly and openly on any subject (or another adult where it's gender-related and embarrassment precludes talking to anyone of the opposite sex about it!) then a bullying issue will come out on its own sooner or later. But some things are not bullying, so try not to overreact to things they do tell you; relationships between groups of children change faster than they do.

If you really think you need to initiate a conversation on this topic, maybe try to find a (good, ideally humourous) film that gets into the subject and/or explores the whole growing up identity thing, which is often related. A well-chosen film or two could mitigate the issue on its own, but for certain the fictional context can provide a way to start a general conversation along the "aren't bullies weird" or similar lines."



Chris Puttik is CEO at http://twoten.is/

Who to contact for help with bullying

ChildLine 0800 1111

ChildLine is a helpline and website for young people and children. You can call ChildLine confidentially at any time of the day or night to talk about any worries. Calls are free from landlines and mobiles, and they won't appear on a phone bill. You can also chat online to an adviser, or contact ChildLine by text, email or message board. ChildLine's website has a useful section on how to cope with bullying.

Bullybusters 0800 169 6928

Bullybusters operates a free anti-bullying helpline for anyone who's been affected by bullying. It also has a website and message board, with sections specifically for kids and young people.

Kidscape
Kidscape's website has lots of advice on bullying for children and young people, including tips on what to do if you're bullied, on moving schools and making friends.

Bullying UK
Bullying UK offers extensive practical advice and information about bullying for young people, and you can send them an email if you want more help.

BeatBullying
On the BeatBullying website you can speak to a cybermentor. Cybermentors are young people you can chat to if you're being cyberbullied or bullied in any other way. They will help you work out what to do next.

GOV.UK: bullying
The government website has a section on bullying for young people, including information on what to do about bullying.



Sometimes it’s tempting to say mean things if you’re angry with an ex-friend or have fallen out with someone. But although it can be tempting, it’s important to remember that saying unkind things on social networks or forums or sharing embarrassing photos online, could be considered ‘abuse’, even if it was in the heat of the moment.








Even on chat apps like Kik or Whatsapp, this behaviour can be traced by police without any difficulty.





Every time you visit a website or make a posting, your internet service provider, e.g AOL, BT or Virgin Media, has an electronic note of your activity. Even if you create an anonymous email address like Gmail or Yahoo, you can still be traced. It’s really not worth it, and can have lasting effects. In the future, colleges or potential employers could even find out, long after you’ve stopped being cross with the person you’ve picked on.